I'm a pepper

Dr. Pepper does not contain prune juice.

Carbonated Water, Imperial Pure Cane Sugar (In Dublin, Texas) [But more commonly the deplorable High Fructose Corn Syrup. Flooding the agricultural market with nutritionally inferior cash crops was a horrible idea - thanks a lot, government subsidies. If you feel like feeding yourself something other than corn, like say... knowledge, you can learn why high fructose corn syrup is bad here. Also watch King Corn.], Caramel Color, Aspartame, Phosphoric Acid, Artificial and Natural Flavors, Sodium Benzoate, Caffeine. Where can we access this text? 'Artificial and Natural flavors'? Au contraire, mon frère. This phrase is only slightly less opaque than a chocolate-covered plum sweet. Or make that a "soy lethicin, vanillin, butter oil, chocolate liquor, potassium carbonate, and natural flavors" covered plum sweet. Processed food companies and their elusive jargon... Tsk.

HOWEVER.
Through extensive research and the persuasion of various golden retrievers (A,B,C) [$84.99], I have demystified the mystery! (In lieu of paraphrasing, I have decided to use an extended quote by Brian McElroy (circa 1998) to increase my credibility)

"According to Mr. Kloster [Bill Kloster], the plant owner, who has worked in that plant for almost 60 years, Dr Pepper is a mix of 23 different fruit flavors. The original creator wanted to create a drink that tasted like the smell of a soda shop. When you walked into a soda shop in that day, you smelled all the fruit flavors of the different sodas all mixed into one. So he basically took a bunch of flavors and mixed them, and came up with Dr Pepper."

Some of these "fruit flavors" include vanillin (imitation vanilla), raspberry vinegar, almond extract, orange oil, lactic acid, and denatured rum. This presents some ambiguity. Perhaps I am misinterpreting the word fruit?

Anyways, I've decided to visit Texas and try the Dr. Pepper wannabe known as Dr. Right, because The Van Gogh-Gosh Doctor Soda Taste Test rated it the best of 46 Dr sodas, including Dr. Pepper (which they mercilessly bashed [and could not single out]). There is no period in Doctor Pepper, which "is the result of an italicized type face used in the early 1950s. The period after the "r" appeared to look like a colon because of the font used. The result appeared to be "Di: Pepper". Not only was the period dropped, but the font was soon changed. There is really no reason for a period since we're not a member of the medical profession, or even degreed." Well phrased, Sr. V.P. Corporate Communications at Dr Pepper Jim Ball.

I've decided that my next blog will include lots of commercials. Here's a sip:

Colonel Salt
&
Dr Pepper

Also, Pepsi Corporation's Dr Pepper is not kosher for Passover because of traces of corn gluten in the corn syrup. Filthy anti-semites.